Toby Pig’s Greatest Show in the Forest

Chapter 1

For a long time, Toby Pig had been nurturing a dream of escaping his pigpen.  He first wanted to run wild for a while and after that, get the animals of Klamath National Forest near Ashland Oregon, together for a festival. Well maybe not a festival. That’s too uppity. But a parade or a circus would work…  a spectacle. And, not one organized and run by bigs (that’s what his animal friends called humans).  No, this show would be produced, written and directed by animals…well actually, he would do it all himself.  The others could be in it, but the production would have his hoof prints all over it.

Once he got running wild out of his system, which didn’t take long, he turned his attention to his spectacle. He would call it, Toby’s Greatest Show in the Forest.

He’d shared his idea with no one except his friends Richard Raven and Happy Dog. Happy Dog disagreed with him.

“No, not a spectacle,” the frisky dog said. “It should be a ‘play-like’… well, an ‘act-like’! Bigs tell stories about themselves… our production ought to let animals tell stories about themselves.”

“My production!” Toby corrected, “It’s my spectacle.”

“And birds… don’t forget birds,” Richard Raven said, “They have stories too.”

“It’s a spectacle!” Toby insisted, “Toby’s Greatest Show in the Forest. It will dazzles the eyes.”

That was last week.

Chapter 2

As the mid-afternoon sun warmed the thatch covering of the Old Globe Theater, Toby Pig trotted past the ticket booth with Richard Raven riding on his back.

It was clear to Toby, that a company of bigs was in the midst of presenting, what the precocious, domesticated pig called a spectacle.

Bold letters on a billboard in front of the Old Globe Theater read, “Two Gentlemen of Verona.” Spurts of laughter coming from the large wooden structure meant that the show was in progress.

“Fly up there and have a look… see if you can spot Happy Dog,” Toby said to Richard. “Bigs won’t let a live pig in the seeing room… well a ham maybe… but not a real live pig like me. But you… you can fly to the rafters and see what’s going on.”

“Why?” Richard asked shifting his weight and smoothing his shinny feathers. “What’s Happy Dog doing in there?”

“He got himself a part in the human show,” Toby said. “I asked him to learn secrets I might use in Toby’s Greatest Show in the Forest.”

“Greatest Show… that’s beyond me,” Richard said pecking at a pesky bug crawling on his back.

“Stick around and you’ll see…” Toby said confidently. “I gotta know… get going before you miss him.”

“You domesticates confuse me… I don’t get it, but… got nothing better to do,” Richard said hopping from Toby’s back and taking to the air.

“He plays Crab,” Toby yelled watching Richard disappear above the thatched roof on the famous theatre structure.

The sleek raven settled on one of the large wooden support beams of the “tiring house.” A matinee of the famous play was in progress. Richard could see the act-likes walking about a platform waving their arms and yelling at one another.

Richard was uncomfortable with his assignment. He knew nothing about acting and less about the strange ritual bigs endured telling their ancient stories. His discomfort was compounded by the fact that Hap was a domesticated animal, which meant he spent a lot of time learning the habits and ways of humans, while wild birds like him avoided close contact  as much as possible. Nevertheless, Richard had agreed to watch the action and tell Toby what he saw.

Chapter 3

A stir of music rose from the stage. Richard saw an actor dressed in weird plumage, leading a dog into the performing area. It was Hap. Richard almost let out a caw… but caught himself just in time. The performers came to a spot on the platform near the bigs watching in the audience, and stopped. Hap, with a solemn look on his face, sat down on his haunches and looked at the spectators.

The weeping actor spent several moments looking back and forth at Hap, then the spectators. The audience laughed — and continued to laugh. Finally, the actor spoke, “Nah, ‘t will be this hour ere I have done weeping…” More laughter.

Richard didn’t understand most of the words, but he wondered why the actor was weeping. Since Hap had such a sour look on his face, he thought Hap must also be wondering why the actor was weeping.

The weeping actor continued, “… I think Crab my dog, be the sourest-natured dog that lives,” (laughter from the audience), “… my mother weeping,” (laughter), “… my father wailing,” (laughter), “… my sister crying,” (laughter), “… our maid howling,” (laughter), “… our cat wringing her hands,” (laughter), “… and all our house in a great perplexity,” (laughter). The actor pausing for more laughter and looking at Hap said, “… yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed one tear,” (laughter), “… he is a stone,” (laughter), “… a very pebble stone, and has no more pity in him than a dog.” Uproarious laughter.

Richard had seen enough to give Toby his report. He waited for another flurry of laughter, flapped his huge wings and took flight into the damp coolness of the nearby woods where Toby Pig sat contemplating the opening number of the Toby’s Greatest Show in the Klamath National Forest.

Chapter 4

“I know what I know,” Toby Pig squealed nose to nose with Happy Dog. “I know a thing or two… two plus two’s four… You can’t just sit there like a stone… is that what you said Richard? … Isn’t it?”

“Yeah, like a stone,” Richard agreed. “That’s what the act-like big said… A stone… a very pebble.”

“Well, we’re putting on a spectacle… not… what do you call it… a play?” Toby said. “So don’t tell me what will work and what won’t.”

“Yeah, and your great-grandfather were “The Learned Pigs” I suppose,” Happy Dog goaded pulling away from Toby’s sizable snout. “Since you know so much about it, tell me why I went to all the trouble to be Crab in the big’s play? You think being a sour-faced dog was fun?”

Richard laughed, “You sure didn’t look like you were having fun to me… You didn’t’ look like your happy self,” and turning to Toby added,  “You should have heard the master big’s words … He said Crab was ‘the sourest-faced dog that lives’.”

“I wasn’t myself… I was acting,” Happy Dog informed.

“Well, if acting like a stone is what acting is, then acting isn’t what I need in Toby’s Greatest Show in Klamath National Forest,” Toby said emphatically and chided, “How about being a spectacular, dancing dog? Yes… That’s more like it,” Toby enthused, “or better yet, get your pack of friends to do it with you. It could be a whole line of dancing dogs.”

He paused giving himself time to think and then rising in excitement added, “But not just dancing dogs… learned pigs solving riddles,” Toby puffed. “Come to think of it” he continued, “I do come from a whole line of learned pigs… and a learned pig can pull it off… Toby Pig’s Greatest Show in the Forest,” he bragged poking Happy and nudging Richard’s bill once more. “Think of it… a muscled brown bear balancing delicately on a vine, stretched tight high between those hemlocks over there,” Toby concluded pointing to a stand of evergreen trees nearby.

“Yeah sure, and a spindly legged weightlifting crane pressing weights with it’s beak hard enough to snap a pine post into splinters!” Happy said, “That’d bring in spectators, wouldn’t it?”

“Why not?” Toby challenged. “Or a chorus of rainbow-tailed peacocks preening against a forest green backdrop… dazzling the eyes.”

Happy, cocked his head and paused to give Toby’s visual time to sink in. “That would be something to see,” he said warming to the idea of Toby’s spectacle. “We’ll need a band though, won’t we?” Happy asked wagging his tail. “The bigs always have them in their shows.”

“Yeah… a band… an orchestra with singers… and that’s MY idea…” Toby chided. “You ever hear Delilah Mockingbird run an arpeggio… both ways?… I’ll sign her, for sure.”

“How about the Magpie sisters? Ever hear them sing?” Richard asked finally catching on and warming to the idea of an animal/bird extravaganza? “Or a crow family quartet? You know, Jess, Jimmy, George and Jack, The Jay brothers?”

Toby scoffed sarcastically, “Yeah sure… a bunch of crows cavorting among the leaves and caterwauling against the sky… that would bring them in.”

“Okay… mockingbirds then,” Richard conceded and added hopefully, “and maybe, Charles and Silvia Canary… wouldn’t that work?”

Toby squealed in delight. “I thought you said I was crazy… writing, producing and directing the greatest show on earth,” He gloated and without waiting for Richard’s response added, “You stick to cawing and I’ll take care of the artistry.”

“Well, you can’t do it all… Can you?” Happy protested coming to Richard’s defense, “You’ll need a talent scout.”

“I do the casting but I’ll need someone to hold the script,” Toby conceded.

“That’s the stage manager’s job,” Hap informed and added, “Hey, what about coaching the acting?… I know about that.”

“You know about being a sour-faced dog…  and if that’s acting, my spectacle doesn’t need it. It doesn’t need a sour-faced anything,” Toby grunted.

“I’m not a sour-faced dog… I was acting like a sour-faced dog. There’s a difference.” After seeing Toby’s scowl, he added, “That’s what the part called for…” he went on hopefully, “I can act like any kind of dog you want. How about a grinning, acrobatic dog that dances on his hind legs, while balancing a ball on his nose?”

” That’s more like a spectacle,” Toby said mulling the idea.

“And I’ll bet I can get the woodpeckers to add drumming accompaniment to the dances.” Happy said hopefully.

“I’ll get the orchestra and conduct it,” Toby said, “I’m thinking… I can’t leave anything to chance… the wolves have to howl like French horns at just the right instant and with the right intonation.”

“Well… okay then… do it all yourself… we thought we could help,” Happy said wagging his tail and motioning for Richard to join him. “I’m off to look over the part of a dog who becomes emperor of a tiny village… there’s drama there, wouldn’t you say? Or maybe I’ll just go annoy the ducks down in Rogue River… do a little barking, you know.”

“I’m not much for barking,” Richard said hopping into flight and hovering above his two friends, “But I will go get Rusty Eagle. He’ll get a kick out of this.”

“Rusty Eagle?… hummmm… a whole bunch of eagles… wings fully spread… impressive… spectacular. Okay then, but come back tomorrow morning!” Toby called after his friends. “Rehearsals start promptly at sunrise.”

Chapter 5

The next morning, as the yellow sun peeked over the green hills, Toby Pig stood in place atop a big stump. Happy Dog sat on his haunches on one side and Rusty Eagle stood on the other. Richard Raven perched watching not far away atop a scrubby alder. Beyond him, was a flock of noisy warblers and a bit farther yet a group of brightly colored kingfishers. Several ospreys hovered in the air nearby watching and waiting for a chance to do their hop-up number.

A hubbub of excitement filled the air around the large assortment of animals and birds milled around the grassy meadow awaiting instructions.

“Impressive!” Rusty Eagle said and asked, “How’d you get the word out?”

“Word of mouth… my mouth to Mazy Magpie’s ears and voila… everyone knew,” Toby bragged.

“What did you tell her?” Rusty quizzed. “Must have been powerful words to get this turnout.”

Toby emitted an oink. “You’ll laugh…” he said, then continued,  “I said, ‘Rusty Eagle says there’ll be a giant spectacle at sunrise… everyone will be there! Don’t miss it!”

“Oh, I get credit for this, do I?” Rusty asked not totally pleased.

“You think they would bother to come for Toby Pig?  Nah… But Rusty Eagle!”

“Well since it’s my credibility you’re messing with now, it better be good,” Rusty cautioned.

“My fine feathered friend, it’s “Toby’s Greatest Show in the Forest,” Toby enthused. “It’s spectacle, Rusty. It’s a parade. Who can pass up a parade?”

“Has it ever been done?”  Rusty asked.

“Bigs do it all the time,” Toby replied, “It’s time we animals did it, right Happy?”

“Yeah, it is,” Happy replied, “And they tell their stories too. I think we should tell our stories… like a coyote blowing the helpless pig’s house down. That has conflict… it’s dramatic.”

“No! The sourest-faced dog that lives…’ That’s not funny… I’ll have none of that… It’s spectacle… that’s what we are going to do,” Toby rejected.

“Why not both?” Rusty asked. “If my reputation is at stake, we’d better do it all,” Rusty affirmed. “You know Toby, it’s pretty amazing persuading the domesticates and the wilds to gather like this?  Pretty amazing. Congratulations!”

There was a moment of silence while everyone watched Toby puff up with pride. .

Then, Rusty said, “So Happy where do you begin? What’s your story?”

“Wait a minute,” Toby cried, “I’m producer, director, talent scout and playwright,” he protested.

Rusty laughed, “That would be a spectacle in itself to watch you pull all those jobs off at once. Mr. producer, writer, director performer and crew, you’re going to need a lot of help from a lot of your friends to make it work.”

“Yeah, Toby,” Happy agreed. “Richard and I want to help too… I can coach the acting.”

Chapter 6

Rusty laughed and surveying the menagerie of animals with his wing said, “Antelopes, eagles, bears, coyotes, deer, dippers, herons, kingfishers, mountain lions, osprey, falcons, raccoons, warblers, waterfowl of all sorts, even wild horses. Where are you going to begin? Whose story are you going to tell first?”

“I think we should start with a big who puts on a set of wings and tries to fly to the sun,” Richard said chuckling at the notion that bigs could fly.

“No!… no bigs!” Toby said emphatically.  After a slight pause he added, “A big flying into the sun would be a spectacle, though.”

“How about a classy dog that risks his life by rushing into a burning hut to rescue his big master?” Hap suggested.

“No!” Toby grunted, “I mean how are you going to show that?” He paused to take in the image before saying, “But… that would be a spectacle.”

“How about a story about an eagle who likes to soar with hang-gliders?” Rusty said.

“Hang-glider? That must be how the bigs fly into the sun!” Richard observed.

“A hang-glider and an eagle soaring together… that would be spectacular…” Toby noted and asked, “You want to do that, Rusty?”

“Sure, I can soar or find a powerful eagle who can…” Rusty said taking to the idea. He paused and chuckled before asking, “Who’s going to get a big brave enough to hang-glide with me?”

“Hap, you can do that, can’t you?” Toby noted.  “Maybe get your master to do it… if he can’t, maybe get someone with a hang-glider to do it?”

“So you are going to let bigs be a part of Toby’s Greatest Show in the Forest after all?” Hap teased.

“If you can get your master to find a hang-glider, I might,” Toby conceded.

“And you’re asking us to help?” Hap jabbed.

“Alright,” Toby conceded, “for that one number. Listen, I’m going to start with the five pig number.” He turned toward the gathered birds and animals, lifted his megaphone and shouted, “Which one of you is Wee-wee-wee-all-the-way-home?”

A hush fell over the animals. They eyed one another with perplexed looks. It was clear that they didn’t know who Wee-wee-wee-all-the-way-home was.

Happy said, “Without a script they don’t know what to do. You have to give them scripts.”

Rusty, shuffling his weight and ruffling his feathers suggested, “Why don’t you appoint one managing coach from each group and tell them what you want. The coaches can take it from there…”

“Maybe so…” Toby interrupted.

“And listen,” Rusty continued. “Richard Raven can coach the birds with their stories, Happy Dog can coach the domesticated animals with their stories and I’ll coach the wild animals with their stories. That way you, Toby, can concern yourself with the Tableau Vivant.”

“The what?” Toby, Happy and Richard said together.

“Tableau Vivant… the arrangement, the order and so forth… the overall picture… the big story!”

“Oh,” Toby said still not totally understanding.

“Cows… mine can be about a big who traded a cow for some beans,” Happy enthused.

“Mine about an ugly duck,” Richard said, “and a raven rapping at a door… evermore.”

“Good!” Rusty said, “now, go find a leader from each group and bring them here for instructions… don’t you think, Toby?”

“Yeah, bring them here so I can give them their scripts,” Toby said confidently. “Get going.”

Richard and Rusty took to the air and Happy jumped to the ground and scampered toward the open meadow.

Chapter 7

Toby found a cool spot out of the sun where he could lie down and think.  He didn’t know where he was going to get scripts… “They’ll have to improvise,” he concluded. “How to begin?” he thought.

Rusty hadn’t mentioned peacocks, but there were some in the crowd of  birds. The splendor of spread tails leading the parade, appealed to him. They would be instructed to emit a blood-curdling scream a regular intervals. ‘That’s dramatic,” Toby said to himself.

The screams of the peacocks would segue into the gobble gobble of turkeys strutting like kings to the regular drum beat of woodpeckers pounding hollow trees in the nearby forest. Then would come a regiment of raccoons (looking like gangsters). “More story,” Toby thought. “Maybe that will satisfy Happy.”

All the while, warblers, canaries, mockingbirds and other melodious singers would fill the air with an orchestrated background of sounds. Next, maybe the wild horses or coyotes… Toby’s eyes drooped and his mind fragmented as he faded into sleep.

Chapter 8

The next day all the elements of  Toby’s Greatest Show in The Forest were in place in the woods just south of Ashland. When the humans living in the southern sector of the town heard the noises created by the animals and birds, they quickly spread the word  to other bigs and groups of them gathered along a road not far from the staging area and parade route to observe what was happening.

Toby found it painful to swallow his pride and admit that Happy was right. His spectacle, was indeed, going to be better with the addition of dramatic stories improvised by several of the animal and bird groups. His friends were right, too. He did need help… lots of it.

Chapter 9

Deloris Dove took on the task of inspecting what everyone was wearing. Happy Dog tried to get her to add dramatic touches to costumes, but, for the menagerie of birds and animals, the costumes they were born with were perfect. Deloris complained that she didn’t have enough to do, but in the end she was content to be a part of the spectacle.

Perry Peregrine Falcon led an orchestra and chorus of singing birds and bellowing animals. The trombone roar of the mountain lions was particularly impressive sending shudders down the spines of the antelope causing them to emit percussive snorts. The tuba growl of the bears provided a counter-melody to the lion’s roar, while deer added a syncopated bleat to the jazzy movements of a line of cows doing the Jersey shuffle. The howl of dozens of coyotes rose like the mournful taunt of French horns above the prevailing body of sounds.

Muscled Brown Bear did a tight vine-walk between two tall hemlock trees. The bigs cleared the way under the stretched rope for fear the big bear might fall. But he didn’t.

Other bears presented a tableau of four bears seated at a table eating soup. A group of Billy goats, led by Oscar Goat, challenged Wilma Deer as she tried to cross the bridge and pass to the other side. Ricky Raccoon tried to hold up Wilber Wild Horse. That encounter served as comic relief.

Geraldine Golden Eagle tried to pass herself off as the Little Red Hen. That too was comical. Gloria Dipper lost her slipper on her way home from a ball and Jack Coyote tried to disguise himself as a fox so he could raid Ellie Bald Eagle’s nest. That was comical too. It only took one side-ways glance from Ellie to send Jack scurrying for cover.

That day the woods near the small Oregon town were filled with all the sights and sounds you would expect from Toby’s Greatest Show in the Forest. The festivities lasted for most of one day.

It was indeed a spectacle for the bigs living in Ashland. They’d only seen such convocations of animals and birds in zoos and circus settings (where wild and domesticated animals and birds are trained to interact). A couple of town leaders suggested the animal bird show be added as an option for Shakespearean Festival attendees. Wiser voices prevailed however, claiming that the wonderful spectacle/drama should be left to the animals and birds.

“It’s a ripping success!” Rusty Eagle said, when the forest quieted down and the sun had disappeared beneath the treetops to the west. “Thanks Toby, for thinking it up and pulling it off. It was a great day.”

“I thought it was a success too,” Richard said, “It was a hoot.”

Happy Dog emitted an approving bark and added, “Let’s do it again next year… what do you say, Toby?”

“Yeah, I liked it,” Toby said. “With your help… I couldn’t have done it without your help. Maybe next time we’ll call it ‘The Greatest Ashland Animal and Bird Show in the Forest.”

- M. Russell Pike  ©2011 – See M. Russell Pike’s bio